More than Stranded

I am feel­ing rather more than just strand­ed right now, more like aban­doned and for­got­ten. My health has seem­ing­ly tak­en a turn for the worse again — not life threat­en­ing stuff, just a lot of pain. It is enough for me not to be able to get out. I had to miss church yes­ter­day because of it. I know I have not been aban­doned, my fam­i­ly loves me and cares for me, and God cer­tain­ly is at work in my life. But still.…

My feet have begun to hurt so bad that at times I scream in pain, even when I am not stand­ing and walk­ing. The pain pre­vents me from being able to sleep well and con­tin­u­ous­ly through the night. My faux-heart attack pains have  come and gone, my doc­tor did increase the dosage of a pre­scrip­tion that seems to be help­ing although it seems to be in the back­ground threat­en­ing me, like a tiger in the grass ready to pounce. And it seems that I am still strug­gling with elim­i­nat­ing gluten from my diet. I can’t seem to find the source of it but the skin blis­ters keep appear­ing and spas­tic colon type symp­toms keep dou­bling me over at times. The pain in my feet could be a result of the gluten too, but that has nev­er been ful­ly estab­lished.

Literally, what a pain! Obviously, this is affect­ing me emo­tion­al­ly. I haven’t felt like doing much of any­thing, I am gain­ing weight prob­a­bly from inac­tiv­i­ty, and even writ­ing is rather bleh. My gluten intol­er­ance is real­ly get­ting me blue. I am almost get­ting to hate watch­ing TV since there are so many com­mer­cials that pro­mote food I can’t eat and real­ly, real­ly would like to — that Big Mac com­mer­cial is real­ly get­ting to me. As much as I would like to go out to eat with Joy, I com­plete­ly dread it.

And so I write this as a weak attempt at defi­ance against how I am feel­ing. Here are my goals.

  1. Clean up the kitchen pantry exam­in­ing each item to make sure there is no poten­tial for gluten. Then start cook­ing real­ly good food so going out to eat isn’t an issue.
  2. Keep active as best I can in ser­vice at Flatland Church. I don’t want to miss any more ser­vices. Maybe if I am see­ing I am not going to be able to sleep Saturday night, stay awake until after the first ser­vice and then col­lapse to sleep on Sunday after­noons?
  3. Walk or maybe ride my bike despite the pain — I need to get some exer­cise even if it is only 5 min­utes at a time. This is very impor­tant but it could very well be the most dif­fi­cult.
  4. Refocus on my rewrite of my web­site frame­work from pro­ce­dur­al code to OOP, try to fin­ish it. Gonna pull out my GTD soft­ware and work out what I am going to do to get things done.
  5. Write at least two blog posts a week
  6. And most impor­tant­ly, Rest in God. This means read and med­i­tate on His Word, pray, praise, and serve.

I am not real­ly strand­ed much less aban­doned. I have places to go, things to do, fam­i­ly and friends to love. I may not feel like it right now but feel­ings are fleet­ing, truth is eter­nal.

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